I have an (arguably unhealthy) love for video games. The feelings they can evoke, either in their story telling, just in how some feel to play, or in the associated memories of times past, all mean alot to me. Video games have changed me before. I have wanted to make a page like this for a long time (and I plan for there to eventually be 25 listed here). If I have multiples in a series (e.g. Dragon Quest V,VIII,XI), it's going to occupy the same ranking, that way we'll have room for more games. And don't worry, I'll be doing a write up for each regardless. With that said, I'm excited to bring to your attention some games that are very special to me. Without further ado....

#5. Cave Story

Cave Story is a VIBES-ASS game. a not-quite metroidvania made by one guy, Pixel (blessed be his name) in a time before YouTube, before game development software was any fun at all to mess around with casually. And despite entering development in 1999, I am forever in awe of how modern the character design is. This game is also $FREE.99, and worth every penny. Paid versions do exist. It has Mario-esque platforming, and Megaman style shooting mechanics and is a ton of fun while also having a dark and at times emotional story. But you'd never guess that based on the aesthetic. My first real go at Cave Story came after watching a speedrun of it and wanting to try some of the techs used for myself. I had a blast, truly. Check this one out if you haven't!

#4. Pokemon Crystal

Playing Crystal feels like coming home after a journey abroad, laying on your grandma's couch and smelling and hearing a meal being prepared in the kitchen one room over, with the coppery light of the afternoon sun slowly fading to a soft, post golden hour blue. For some of you, I feel confident that I could stop the review there, either having you teary eyed with nostalgia, or having sold you on an incredibly comfy feeling experience (hopefully both). For others, waxing poetic on a very specific childhood memory isn't going to cut it, and may have already confused you. For you, somehow not in the know, here are some very cool things about Pokemon Crystal (most of which apply to Gold and Silver as well). Pokemon Crystal has an incredible soundtrack, my favorite track being the theme for Ecruteak/Ciannwood City. The National Park theme is also Very good. I really like the variety and designs of the Johto pokemon. I think the region being based on the Kansai region of Japan is a cool idea. I enjoy the more traditional 'old Japan' designs compared to the more metropolitan and moedern vibe of Kanto, literally based off of the Kanto region of Japan, part of the greater Tokyo area. Once you have done the Pokemon League shuffle, and beat the elite four, a secret is revealed that I dare not spoil if you are by some miracle pure heartedly unaware of what I'm talking about (ESPECIALLY if you are by some miracle pure heartedly unaware of what I'm talking about) that doesn't quite double your play time, however I think it CERTAINLY doubles the game's value. And once you come back around to thinking it's over again...I dare not. Please do yourself a favor, and for Kid Luna, and give Pokemon G/S/Crystal a try. (admittedly the balance is a little whack in the late-middle of the game, but it's still so worth it).

#3. Final Fantasy VII(R)/XII/XIV

Write-ups coming soon!

#2. Phantom Dust

Firstly, thank you Nick Robinson. Thank you FightinCowboy. These two put Phantom Dust back on my radar,and importantly, did so at time when it was more accessible than ever. Secondly, a weird little anecdote. I remember seeing it in a game magazine as a kid, and being pretty interested. I also remember there not being any mention of it again after that initial first contact. I thought it was strange, as it looked pretty cool. The weird part, I had a dream once that I played it! and my recollection of it from that dream was that it was pretty fun. and then I forgot about the dream and the game entirely until one fateful day where I was blessed by the youtube algorithm. Phantom Dust is what an arena shooter/fighter could be if it was also a TCG. Mechanically, it's easily one of, if not THE most tightly playing game I've had the opportunity to play. There have been a few conversations I have had where I said something along the lines of 'I like a game with a craftsmanly quality in it's design', and Phantom Dust gave me that taste. I like my game mechanics artisanally constructed. The downside of being a video game hipster is that any multiplayer games you come across that suit your INSANELY specific tastes, they are often long abandoned or on the minutest of life support. This is sadly the case with Phantom Dust. However the online leaderboard DOES allow you to play against AI controlled opponents with decks built by players, so... Regardless, Phantom Dust is awesome, the single player is good, challenging at times, and I CANNOT STESS THIS PART ENOUGH: The game is FREE on Xbox and on PC

#1. Xenoblade Chronicles (Definitive Edition) / Xenogears

Grandly transcendental and immeasurably beautiful. That is the short version of this review of the two most influential video games and their impact on me.

Let's start with Xenoblade Chronicles. I bought it on a whim during covid and immediately I was in a world of grand scope and scale, and devastating beauty. Sure the walking animations were a bit goofy, but the world itself and the story being set up was riveting. I knew it was an older game with a new coat of paint, but I could tell it was made with excessive love and competence. The voice acting to this day is top notch, and interestingly, performed by stage actors instead of traditionally career voice actorss. I won't spoil the ending, or even the immaculate late-middle, but I will say that in playing through this game, I not only had a good time, I genuinely healed some of my (specifically religious) trauma. This game moved me beyond anything I had ever played before, or really since, Hence it's shared number one spot with its (grand)parent game;

Xenogears.

I have barely played Xenogears. HOWEVER, I DID get my PhD IN Xenogears (I don't have a PhD..). What I mean is, thankfully, once upon a time, I stumbled onto a Max Derrat video about it. And THAT video mentioned a video SERIES from Resonant Arc that broke down every detail of the game essentially. At this point my brain had already been thoroughly wrangled by the video Max had made, such that before that one had even finished, I had sought out and queued up Resonant Arc's behemoth of a series. I did NOT know, in the seeking and subsequent starting of, that I would be forever changed.

At this point I'd like to make it clear that what I am saying is that while I haven't REALLY played (two-ish hours or so) Xenogears, I have experienced, in great depth, every OUNCE of its narrative. And to me, what makes Xenogears so significant are its themes. Once again I would consider spoiling this revelation of a video game a transgression unimaginable, and so will discuss broadly what I like about it instead of getting into the minutiae of its story.

Xenogears is psychological, spiritual, and philosophical to the extent that it made me play games, read books, watch shows and movies, and even, ESPECIALLY in fact, live life differently in its wake. And further, if I was enjoying something I had previously played/read/etc. I was shown something new, hiding behind a veil of perception awaiting new eyes with which to see. I KNOW it sound crazy to say that a game LITERALLY unlocked my third eye, but it would be hard to argue that I'm not different on the other side of diving in.

What is behind Xenogears' brilliance, and ability to change, at least, MY entire perspective, is what inspired it. Gnosticism, and Jungian psychology being the heavy lifters. Gnosticism, with its conspiratorial twist on what's going on behind the nature and identity of a divine creator, and exploration of the Jungian shadow and collective unconscious serves the plot well, and gives the player A LOT to dive into, especially if like me, you are in a position (namely an existentially exhausted/distraught hourly manager at a rural Walmart that sees big city activity because it's the big box store in the whole county ca. spring/summer 2022) to take some the ideas presented to their logical extremes and actually attempt to internalize them. Not always a good idea mind you, but in this case, the results speak for themselves. I'll go into greater detail one day in a blog post about how Xenogears changed my life, for now live with the knowledge that it DID and the names of the mechanisms by WHICH it did.

You could argue that this is the more important game of the two, and it would be hard to argue against that, but as before, I haven't played much and would like to before making that my definitive stance. but there you have it, on the back of its narrative alone, Xenogears is at least important enough to share its number one spot with its descendant. I would like to also point out that I had dropped Xenoblade Chronicles for a WHILE, picking it back up while in the late phase of listening to Resonant Arc's series. I had already taken on a lot of 'gears' meaning and messaging, and wanted to see if any applied to 'blade. And it did! Immaculately. and from there, through experiencing both, I healed long wounded parts of me, and spring-boarded off of the reality of that into attempting shadow work and wounded inner child healing. and the rest, for now is history.

10/10 Literally opened my third eye and and kissed me good night